Welcome to Atlanta, Park Anywhere!
Tuesday 03-11-2008 9:59am ET
My good friend and traffic tracker,”The Savage”,emailed me the following this week. I know some have read it already but it’s a good refresher course for navigating Atlanta traffic:
This is for anyone who lives in Atlanta, has ever lived here, has ever visited Atlanta, ever plans to visit here, knows anyone who already lives in Atlanta or knows anyone who has ever heard of Atlanta .
Atlanta is composed mostly of one-way streets. The only way to get out of downtown Atlanta is to turn around and start over when you reach Greenville, South Carolina .
All directions start with, “Go down Peachtree” and include the phrase, “When you see the Waffle House.” Except that in Cobb County , where all directions begin with, “Go to the Big Chicken.”
Peachtree Street has no beginning and no end and is not to be confused with:
> Peachtree Circle
> Peachtree Place
> Peachtree Lane
> Peachtree Road
> Peachtree Parkway
> Peachtree Run
> Peachtree Terrace
> Peachtree Avenue
> Peachtree Commons
> Peachtree Battle
> Peachtree Corners
> New Peachtree
> Old Peachtree
> West Peachtree
> Peachtree-Dunwoody
> Peachtree-Chamblee
> Peachtree Industrial Boulevard
Atlantans only know their way to work and their way home. If you ask anyone for directions, they will always send you down Peachtree.
The 8 am rush hour is from 6:30 to 10:30 AM.
The 5 pm rush hour is from 3:00 to 7:30 PM. Friday’s rush hour starts Thursday afternoon and lasts through 2 am Saturday.
Only a native of Atlanta can pronounce Ponce De Leon Avenue, so do not attempt the Spanish pronunciation. People will simply tilt their heads to the right and stare at you. The Atlanta pronunciation is “pawntz duh LEE-awn.”
And yes, we have a street named simply, “Boulevard.”
The falling of one raindrop causes all drivers to immediately forget all traffic rules. If a single snowflake falls, the city is paralyzed for three days and it’s on all the channels as a news flash every 15 minutes for a week. Overnight, all grocery stores will be sold out of milk, bread, bottled water, toilet paper, and beer.
I-285, the loop that encircles Atlanta, which has a posted speed limit of 55 mph (but you have to maintain 80 mph just to keep from getting run over), is known to many truckers as “The Watermelon 500.”
Don’t believe the directional markers on highways. I-285 is marked East and West but you may be going North or South. The locals identify the direction by referring to the “Inner Loop” and the “Outer Loop .”
If you travel on Hwy 92 North, you will actually be going southeast.
Never buy a ladder or mattress in Atlanta . Just go to one of the interstates and you will soon find one in the middle of the road.
